Yes, I’ve been a very bad blogger girl (or womyn/breeder/person as you will). I’ve been inattentive; distracted by trying to find the perfect high school for my genius; adjusting to re-entry; hatching plans; fighting for justice; and stealing old broads carts by accident in the produce aisle at the Food Coop. Yes, that was this morning and she was NOT amused; thought I may have squished her perishables and all. Anyway, I’ve been lax with the old blogodoccio.

But my friend just posted this shot she took on the way to school drop off this morning and it’s just too salacious and/or funny to go ignored.

So, publicity stunt or the real thing? Weigh in. My guess is the former. And while I don’t wish this cuckolding and public vengeance on either hypothetical party, wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if this were true? This alone must lend some much-needed street cred to Park Slope at long last.

Except Sam Champion. He can hold down the fort.

Also: can somebody please take the new AC out of my bedroom window? The one with the cardboard side panels. Thanks in advance!!! I tried to reinforce it with some batter’s tape and a couple of shelves I found leaning against a wall. But not sure it’s gonna hold.

I’ve evacuated myself. I was forced to play count the number of bald porsche drivers for at least an hour and a half on the West Side Highway. And I had to literally peel my thighs off the fine corinthian leather once we finally made it to Middletown, NY. It was traumatic, I tell you… ...more

First came news from my fave NYC newlywed journo Matt Chabon that insanely annoying OJ Simpson-loving and torture-defending attorney Alan Whatshisname Dershowitz hates the Food Coop like poison and is planning on boycotting.

And yesterday, also via the Observer, a late-breaking boycott promise from NY Post columnist Andrea Peyser, possibly the most godawful resident in all of Brooklyn (and that’s saying something). How could I have forgotten to have include her in my list of Brooklyn’s 100 Most Embarrassing Residents, btw???

Thank you, haters of Israeli products (whatever they may actually be: dead sea facial cleanser and body wash?)!

Of course, the empty threat to sue Barney’s

I must admit: I’m sad this morning. I hadn’t even gotten around to officially joining Neighbors For Better Neighbors.

Yes, last night came the tweets: a judge in Brooklyn threw out the completely moronic lawsuit aimed at ridding Prospect Park West of its evil bike lane.

Seniors for Safety will just have to find some other dumb-ass thing to fight against. Rage against the machine, old farts. As it turns out, my 13-year-old is with you.

When I told him the news of the lawsuit’s dismissal this morning, he was outraged. Who knew? My kid is a closet bike lane opponent.
“I’m sorry, mom, but that bike lane is stupid. No one even uses it. And you have the park two feet away. It ...more | 2 Comments

My brother singing an Aria from Figaro. No, but doesn't it look like it?

Every year, my family goes to the nearby Wayne County Fair and every year I find some way to get out of it. I think it was the army recruiters and their humongous tank trying to hit up on my seven-year-old that did me in. Or maybe the maniacal guy trying to taunt people into buying the chance to dunk him. Or the mullets and holsters.

But, yesterday, I broke my boycott and, dag nab it, it was fun! Especially so because I went with not just my nuculars but also my brother and his daughters who are visiting from… ...more

“If TV has taught me anything, it’s never the first suspect” Gogo Gowanus

UPDATE TO MY UPDATE: Just as I suspected. Per the Post:

Charges against a Brooklyn livery driver who was arrested in one rape and identified as a suspect in three other sex assaults are expected to be dropped after cops accepted his alibi and the real pervert struck again while the cabby was in jail, sources told The Post.

“They made a huge mistake and stopped my life for no reason,” William Giraldo told The Post.

Still, his ordeal may not be over — the 24-year-old faces the threat of deportation for overstaying his visa unless his recent marriage to a US citizen convinces a judge to

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Dear Governor Cuomo,

Just got my invitation via email to “like” you, despite the fact that you are thoroughly unlikeable by all accounts. Now, I was marginally okay with having a bullying hard-ass in my political corner for a change from all that namby-pambe Harry Reid/Barack Obama politesse. But not if it means I’m going to have flammable water so you can get elected president.

I’m not happy with you, dude, not the least of which because I’ve had to spend my summer attending upside-down town council meetings where the elders banned cigarette smoking within fifty feet of the new town hall at the same time they had a gas lobbyist redraft the town’s… ...more | 4 Comments

Was Park Slope parenting as bad before the days of 24 hour iPhone surveillance and guerrilla reporting? Judging from the entitled nature of some of the patchouli-loving old-timers I know, I’m guessing yes.

Be that as it may, man, do we suck sometimes!

Over the weekend, news broke out on Twitter (fine, one guy’s twitter feed) of a massive hissy fit going down at the Park Slope McDonald’s.

As near as I can tell, a Park Slope mom demanded her right to buy a Happy Meal smurf toy minus the Happy Meal. When the cashier kid said they couldn’t sell it alone, the mom started shrieking, “It’s the LAW. You’ve got to… ...more | 7 Comments

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What the f*ck is wrong with The New York Times lately? (And by lately, I mean for the last dozen years or so.) It’s like a Pregnant in Heels episode when it comes to its coverage of the modern family.

Uh, I don’t know if you excruciatingly homogeneous arteesinal cheese and Brooklyn-loving Times reporters have noticed but a lot of your readers can’t afford a summer vacay (maybe even rent) and you are starting to piss off even volvo-driving quiche-eaters with this shit.

In the last two months, The Times has served up an insufficiently ironic serving of American parenting coverage, including… ...more | 4 Comments

Inevitably when my love of Park Slope is at its lowest ebb, when I’m hanging in my hammock upstate contemplating a permanent sabbatical in Europe or Seattle, something always seems to happen to renew my dwindling affections.

Today it was the news of the formation of two new Park Slope groups: Neighbors for Better Neighbors and Seniors for Civility (alter-egos of Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes and Seniors for Safety).

In the saga that is the Prospect Park West bike lane lawsuit, city lawyers have gone to court seeking a temporary restraining order against the plaintiffs for trying to subpoena so very, very many people.

And then the new groups, formed by a… ...more

Fine, I always feel about a minute away from a drive-by when I hit Fulton Mall but this area has serious potential.

You can find people AND beautiful old buildings aplenty just crying out for divine intervention. They wanted to pray over me and the tween just now, btw: something like 10 Christian soldiers in red aprons.

So what the hell went wrong in Fulton Mall and why can’t somebody fix it? Like NOW. This place could be the best neighborhood in Brooklyn without much effort… ...more | 2 Comments

From a tumblr named Braiker, a hummer comes to Park Slope.

“Spotted in Park Slope. Brooklyn hipsters are taking their irony to seriously new heights. I’m impressed.”

No hipster takes their irony this far. Do they?

And since when are there any real hipsters in Park Slope? We are not hip enough for hipsters. Any beard and mustache enthusiasts with horn-rimmed glasses are just visiting or faking it themselves ...more | 5 Comments

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