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Good news for all you kid and rich people haters!

Any day now, you’re going to have the sidewalks, burger joints and bars of Brooklyn to yourself again. I know you are breathless in anticipation because, yes, it’s almost time for the annual exodus of affluent breeders and people with cars. We may say we love summer in the city but anybody who can will be jumping off this sinking ship like… Bruce Ratner and his rats.

Before you start hating me too much for my summer plans at my palatial summer estate, I just want you to know that I will never be able to afford to travel further than Sullivan County, NY again. Ever.

But while I’m poolside with Norman (who donned an extra small speedo this weekend in honor of gay pride this weekend) and my kid (who spent an hour on the pool jet, having discovered its joys when placed strategically), YOU lucky Brooklynites will have the joint to yourselves.

Let’s take a moment, shall we, to discuss all the great shit that I’m going to be missing out on in our great city this summer…

Okay, that’s all I’ve got at the mo’. Weigh in with your top five on what makes summer in the city so great.

And as an added bonus, I’m sending you off with my two new favorite road trip shots, which I came upon while malingering on this post for longer than was strictly required…

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It was better. I have nothing much more to say. Other than that I CANNOT BELIEVE the girl child is still hungry. It boggles the mind.

Dancing By Myself (no, not me)

He scared me. 14-year-old Civilian Air Patrolman Kid

Well, this is a new touch.

As it ever was.

She was selling a wedding day gift book called "Elope"

He ate the pig.

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Poor little big guy (not mine)

Because some things NEVER change, I don’t see why I can’t just put up an annotated version of last year’s FIPS post without ever having to descend to the hell that is Park Slope’s 7th Avenue Heaven…

This guy will surely be there.

Last year’s journey:

I’m going with hell this year since it is easily 500 degrees in the center of 7th Ave at this very moment, surely an indicator of hades-like conditions. (Okay, not so hot this year; that’s an improvement)

I’m heading back out now that I’ve dropped off the beast, who is still panting pitifully to the beat of the keyboard clickety clacking. Had to carry him the last two blocks and he’s no lightweight. (NFW am I bringing that poorly-behaved beast this year!)

In defense of our street fair, it’s getting a lot better, which is to say that the ratio of local or cool stuff is way up from the days when it was only tube sock and sheet set purveyors. (I actually could use both; maybe I do have to go)

Love the black skull and cross-bones brooklyn t-shirts from ROCK STAR REVOLUTION. I buy a few every year. You part-time anarchists should appreciate them. (Still going.)

We love our skull and cross bones Brooklyn tees.

Love the old-school 35 mm dude with the cool pix of vanishing New York, especially because he thinks blogs are for phony-assed pansies.

Love CHRIS OWENS. Go Chris! Somebody, vote for this awesome guy for something, for god’s sakes. Oh crap, is he running against my girl Hope’s boy companion for “MALE” DISTRICT LEADER? Why DO we need gender-based district leaders and is there a tranny category? Wait, no. He’s running for Democratic State Committee. I don’t know what that even is but I’m going to vote for him. (I guess it’s safe to say that Anthony Weiner won’t be out waving this year! I think Chris Owens won, right? And my girl Hope Reichbach died too young this spring.)

My children did, of course, manage to zero in on the crap. I was importuned by the elder to buy the Chucky family boxed set, complete with cute little saws and knives. The younger is complaining at this very moment that we deprived her of some wooden frog she loved. She just left to get her new Ecuadoran wooden recorder, god help us. (Nothing’s changed here.)

And, finally, where else can you enjoy the stylings of old Journey songs in harmonic beatbox and song. That is what they call that spitty hip-hoppy bebop thing, right? Anyway, the Red States kept me more awake than Norah Jones with their awesome cheesefest. I don’t know if I love them or hate them. Both, I think. (I’m sure to find somebody to love for all the wrong reasons.)

The Red States

Okay, I’m actually kind of stoked. Here we go. Wish me luck.


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My BFF wants to play tourist with me this week. She is heading down to the big city for some kid-free R&R, which sounds extremely exhausting and possibly horrendous.

Thankfully, she had the good sense to leave me OUT of the Broadway show adventure, because I don’t know if I have another in me. The facebook posting about her desire to take in a show elicited a whopping 33 suggestions from theater geeks of old. Strange that I — who grew up knowing the words to every Broadway show tune ever recorded before 1990 — have developed an irrational aversion to live theater.

by Mark Armstrong

It goes with my unreasonable and growing dislike of tourists, which actually got a scientific diagnosis per Jen Doll of the Village Voice. I have sidewalk rage (aka Pedestrian Aggressiveness Syndrome). I know I know it’s not right. I know it’s not fair. But I still have PTSD from my last trip to Soho and Times Square is enough to bring on the hives.

My inner curmudgeon is crying out in protest… Can’t we just sit on a fucking park bench somewhere? Why does anyone even want to be a NYC tourist?

See attached email below for my itinerary options…

Hey Allie,

Just want to check in with you about Thursday and/or Friday.

Here are some ideas of things I’d like to do. Let me know if you like any of these ideas, or if you have some of your own.

— Metropolitan Museum
— Museum of the City of New York
— Staten Island Ferry & eat at the Bay St Luncheonette/Soda Fountain
— NY Public Library building tour (11am & 2pm, one hour long)

On Thursday I have to go to Times Square to stand in line at TKTS for tix that night. So let me know your thoughts/ideas. Remember I am being a tourist!!!!

Love, Allie

I can’t help but think that all of this sightseeing would be the better for some nudity. It’s been a busy week for naked people in NYC, after all.

There’s the new local bad boy Weiner’s new photo essay on TMZ .

via TMZ

I just read in Gawker on Friday that naked hiking is HUGE in Europe.

photo by Matthias Bein

Lest I leave out… the comeback of maybe mayoral candidate Alec Baldwin’s chewbacca chest.

And why weren’t Weiner and Baldwin invited to be the headliners at this weekend’s postponed 2011 Naked Bike Ride NYC? They wouldn’t have let a little drizzle stop ’em from manning up for the cause and it might have lifted up Weiner’s flagging spirits.

jaeque's flickr

I have proposed that as an alternative itinerary, we spend the day exploring Queens in the buff. We could pay a visit to Weiner’s coop building and possibly throw mini hot dogs at him. I’ve been wanting to buy saris to make into shades for about a decade now. And I’m dying for some real Korean food.

Just two more fat-assed tourists taking in the sites.



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