What a week for Brooklyn kids!

I’m still reeling from the news that a former butcher and fucking maniac carved up a sweet little eight-year-old from Borough Park and left half of him in a dumpster on 20th and 4th Ave.  The news at The New York Times, Gothamist, and the funeral plus the murderer’s love of Glee and online Karaoke at  The Village Voice.

My kids will never, ever, EVER walk alone again until they graduate from high school. And that goes double for the good-looking 13-year-0ld boy.

Pasha’s new music video, btw. No excuse except #college fund.

Over at F’d In Park ...more | 2 Comments

Little League is evil.

Yeah, you heard me. It’s not those damn gay people, it’s little league baseball (and maybe all travel teams) that are destroying the fiber of American family life. I’m thinking of calling for a permanent ban if I don’t get to go on the next tourney trip.

I’ve had just about enough of all that teamwork, dedication, and personal responsibility shit. “Values that go far beyond the playing fields, and can provide youth with a foundation that lasts a lifetime.”

Aren’t there enough teams to play in the city? Can’t we send our local champs, the formerly winningest Brooklyn Bulldogs, up to take on some Dominicans in Washington Heights if we need a challenge?

But noooooooo! As if… ...more | 2 Comments

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“Forget the Hamptons, Park Slope’s where it’s at this summer” Real Estate Weekly

Good news for poor, put-upon realtors (and those who can impersonate one credibly)! If you don’t have time (or profit margins) for the Hamptons this summer, no worries because The Arias of Fourth Ave awaits.

“Today’s renters demand a more resort-like lifestyle than what is commonly found in rental buildings, and Arias Park Slope delivers with a comprehensive lifestyle experience that extends well beyond the home and finishes,” says Shloimy Reichman of The Iconic Group.

Shit, what have I been missing all these years with my half-finished bathroom, pissed-upon hallways and locked roof? I’m ready to sell up ...more | 3 Comments

My brother from another mother has a new vid, folks. Out with the Park Slope puppets. In with the spaghetti western.

I was waiting for Ed and his purty young filly to do a line dance at the end. And she was looking slightly less virginal than perhaps intended. Also, so much spittle.

Oh who cares, he’s the best rapper nobody knows about. Yet!

Consider my lighter lit.

Come to Bethel Woods. You are sooooo much better than the Jonas Brothers and I can totally see you as the opening act for the next Earth, Wind and Fire reunion band tour. Or maybe Styx.

His past videos are also AWESOME!!!

I Don’t Mind with Elle King…

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Gothamist (or maybe AOL) is saying it’s the little women who suck worst. We don’t get to practice as much because our manly men like to man the wheel. And those fuckers got some back-up yesterday from the University of Michigan.

According to a University of Michigan study of 6.5 million car crashes, an “inordinate number” of accidents happen when both drivers are women.

Researchers found that accidents in which both

Holy Shit, is my husband writing for Gawker behind my back?

Women: why don’t they go out and get a job? In a time when our nation’s rents are rising, it might be kind of nice—I’m just saying—it might be kind of nice ifsomeone in this apartment with a vagina started bringing in some income. I’m just saying.

But instead, as usual—and I’m not making any “value judgments” here, I’m just saying—as usual,  men are out doing the work while women are lounging around at home and, apparently, buying luxury cars.

Since the recent recession ended in 2009, men have added 768,000 jobs, while the number of jobs held by women has fallen by 218,000, according to [a new Pew Research study].

And moreover, men are taking more and more jobs in fields like health care and education that have traditionally been dominated by women. So not only are we the only ones getting jobs around here, but we have to do your jobs. Yeah, that’s cool. No, it’s fine, I mean, it’s just… forget it. Let’s not even start.

Despite a distinct lack of ambition and drive, I’m feeling expansive. No, not my ass. For a while now, I’ve been thinking that what this city needs is a good laugh and some sort of loose confederation of funny, high-caliber, localized snark. Not funny news like Gothamist. Not boring hawk watches with occasional greatness like City Room. NOT Patch. But Urbanistan, which (verily) I happen to own.

My evil plans are somewhat amorphous at the mo’ but I’m working toward launching a citywide blog that, if I had to describe, would aspire to being a poor man’s This American Life meets Fucked In Park Slope on its best day ever.

I want to put together a range of voices from all across the city… ...more | 1 Comment

Last year around this time I pondered the plethora of bagel places operating within spitting distance of each other in Park Slope. Well, bagels are OVER.

It seems that this year’s fattening food du jour is the burger. Comfort food. Affordable food (aside from the now defunct $175 Wall Street gold-leafed burger bistro). Food you don’t linger over forever so that the owners can actually make their usurious rents.

Yes, Park Slope’s burger and shake renaissance is just beginning. (We do tend to run a year or two behind.)

Is this a sign of downward mobility? A sign that the rents are too damn high? That area business owners bear an uncanny resemblance to lemmings?

I don’t know… ...more | 1 Comment

UPDATE: Brooklyn Dad/Party Host Arrested For Defending A Guest’s Honor At Prospect Park Birthday Party

“We were at the party. A child (girl 3yo) indeed went missing. She was there with her 6 yo sister. She went missing while handing out pizza slices close to the end of the party. After a few minutes her mother called 911 and cops came. In the meantime after about 15 minutes the girls was found at the other end of long meadow. Police arrived and first it was difficult to explain to the police that she was indeed found. While talking to the mother the police accused the mother of negligence. The hosting father got involved and it spinned out of control. Within short

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Man, those are some tolerant neighbors!

Also, I think this may be grounds for justifiable catricide.

Anyway, this wins my vote for best Facebook status update of the week. And worst too! ...more | 3 Comments

Light up a sparkler and head to the Hudson for me. This photo is meant to be viewed with Neil Diamond’s America as accompaniment… ...more | 2 Comments

Happy Independence Day!

Last week, Gothamist came out with its colossal “listicle” of 100 Reasons Why Brooklyn Lives Up To Its Hype. Can’t wait for Queens, btw!

I was inspired and awed. So inspired that I decided to do a Brooklyn 100 of my own.

First I was just going to do famous assholes in honor of learning that Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs was a Brooklyn boy. But that wasn’t going to get me to 100. Not that we’re not at capacity but better to go for a bigger catch all: cringe-inducing, wise-assy, know-it-all-ish, over-compensating, pseudo-intellectual, criminal, schmucky, and/or just plain annoying. Essentially: a list of one hundred people past and present who make Brooklyn so… ...more | 2 Comments


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