Good housekeeping. I’m getting death threats about the precipitous decline in mine.

Can’t my people see that this blogging crap is important and time-consuming? Fine, I haven’t made as much in the last two years as I made working a month at KFC in 9th grade but I’m building something here. You know????

Uh, not so much.

In my capacity as housekeeper and domestic management consultant, I’ve now bought your GD TP and other luxury items (fine, food), I’ve scrubbed your pissed-upon toilet seats (nice aim, boys), I’ve cleaned, mopped, vacuumed and even started defrosting something for dinner. Additionally, I’ve made breakfasts and lunches (and thank you for all the crumbs on the couch). Oh, yeah, I oiled the granite countertop you finally installed after TEN LONNNNNNG YEARS leaning behind the couch and am now moving on to the room-sized clot of unfolded clean clothes.

So, thank you very much and buzz the fuck off, you ungrateful wretches.

Also… where’s my RHOPS? Consider this a casting call.