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Atlantic Yards: A Rat Tsunami

June 27, 2011 in Atlantic Yards, Brooklyn, Bruce Ratner, Douchebag Database, urban wildlife | 2 comments

As if the locals didn’t have enough to be pissed about when it comes to Bruce Ratner et al, now comes the news that an army of rats have been fanning out like a giant tsunami: infesting houses and backyards, eating peoples’ cars (insulation, anyway) and acting like rats.

Okay, that really is adding insult to injury.

Last Friday, 60 people who live in the area sat down together with City Council Member Letitia James and the Dean Street Block Association to share war stories. And holy rat shit, they had a lot to complain about. Descriptions ranged from a car catching on fire from food debris dragged into an engine by rats, garbage cans torn up, to kids unable to play in the Dean Street Playground, and rats landing on unwary folks hanging out on barca and chaise loungers inside their homes and while hanging in backyards.

Some notable quotes from Atlantic Yards Report:

“We don’t have a normal rat problem, we have a rat tsunami,” observed Dean Street resident Karen-Ida Scott.

“I now park in Park Slope,” recounted John Martinez (at right, speaking), aiming to save his car’s insulation from regular rat attacks. “If gets any further, I’ll have to take a cab to my car.”

“I’ve lived on Dean Street for 49 years; this is the worst I’ve ever seen it,” observed Rosa Cintron.

“I’m here since 1963; we never saw so many rats like this,” recounted Joe Pastore (left, speaking), a longtime resident of Dean Street who was relocated from the arena block. “I have seen big rats like cats eat right through the plastic bags.”

“I’ve never seen rats in Fort Greene,” commented Lucy Koteen, an Atlantic Yards opponent who was one of several Fort Greene residents (the rest not active in the opposition) at the meeting. Lately, she said, she’s seen rats the size of large squirrels.

I guess it should come as no big surprise that Forest City Ratfink doesn’t want to take responsibility for the rat epidemic. The city DOH says it will send out investigators to evaluate the sitch but seemed to place as much blame on area ressies as Forest Ratner.

By the way, the biggest rat of them all will be at his new Dune Road estate in Hampton Bays while the poor schlubs of Prospect Heights are meeting with exterminators and trying to find a parking spot in Park Slope.

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Happy Fucking Father’s Day: The Art of Roughhousing

June 17, 2011 in blogging, Parenting, Parks and Recreation, Pets | 1 comment

Still looking for the perfect gift to show your love of daddy this weekend? Well, boy oh boy, do I have the must-get gift for you… The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It.

Here’s a sneak peak:

Complete with ultra-simple diagrams for a safe “raucous pillow fight” or round of “human cannonball, The Art of Roughhousing is a manual: filled with cool moves, techniques, games, and roughhousing ideas—with easy-to-follow instructions and illustrations. There are old favorites, like airplane, and new ones, like Rogue Dumbo and Crane.

In direct correlation to how much I loved everything about Go The F*ck To Sleep, I hate the shit out of this book.

From an Associated Press article making the rounds:

Each activity in the guide is accompanied by a ’50s-style visual aid and written in an easy-to-follow format offering the ages of kids it can benefit, the level of difficulty and the essential skills it offers.

Take the Raucous Pillow Fight. Such a thing is good for children 4 and up. Its difficulty is “easy” and it teaches “losing and winning.” The best pillows for whacking are the big, fluffy kind rather than the small, hard sofa kind.

“When battling your opponent,” the book cautions, “always hold the zippered part of the pillow and whack with the other end to prevent injuries like eyeball lacerations.” CHECK!

Are you fucking kidding me?

What self-respecting parent needs a manual to figure out how to get close and playful with your kid(s)? The book is apparently written for a new genre of completely incompetent, metrosexual and yet helicoptering parent.

The authors lecture about how roughhousing ”flows with spontaneity, improvisation and joy,” but — done right — requires mattresses be hauled out or couch cushions laid on the floor so kids as young as 3 can jump safely from on high.”

Over at the NY Times today, Lisa Belkin conducts what must be the worst-ever Q&A for this dumbest-ever parenting manual. I think she should have her blogging rights revoked for these questions…

  • What do you mean by “roughhousing”?
  • This is a dad thing, right?
  • Isn’t “rough” automatically “bad”? I mean, it’s only fun until someone loses an eye…?
  • There are benefits? Like what?
  • Your book actually teaches the “art” of roughhousing. What kinds of moves do you include?
  • Why do we need roughhousing manuals and workshops, doesn’t it come naturally? (FINALLY the question on everyone’s lips!!! But no follow-up.)

Alright!

First off, I hate these fucking assholes.

Secondly, I want to throw up on this book.

And, in summation, I may hold a book burning. 

Anybody in?

 

 

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DB Database: Rape Cop Lives in Park Slope?

June 6, 2011 in Douchebag Database, Park Slope, sex and drugs | 2 comments

Little known fact: “piece of shit” has the same acronym as “police officers,” plural.

And I, for one, was not happy to hear that this particular POS above LIVES IN PARK SLOPE. Is there no END to this neighborhood’s infamy?

Apparently not. Except for one little wrinkle. Park Slope does not actually stretch the entire LENGTH OF SOUTH BROOKLYN, folks. This dude lives in Sunset Park. Or, at the very least, GREENWOOD HEIGHTS, if you’re a newbie or a realtor.

As a point of clarification, Park Slope is roughly bounded by Prospect Park West to the east, Fourth Avenue to the west, Flatbush Avenue to the north, and 15th Street to the south.

Even so, wherever rape cop lives, I can’t think of a more deserving candidate for a public shame campaign. In fact, I think we should bring such campaigns back for other neighborhood offenders, like ones who actually DO live in Park Slope.

This asshole (and maybe THE WIFE too) should have to take out TWITTER AND FACEBOOK accounts and post their regrets every hour for the next five years. He should have to walk around with a billboard. He should have to volunteer at Gay Men’s Health Crisis and Planned Parenthood.

Over at the NY Post, my new favorite commenter joined with Moreno’s wife to inveigh against the unfairness of it all.

Louis Romano: The police academy teaches cuddling. They have cuddling 101, intermediate cuddling and advanced cuddling. They also encourage all cops to return a minimum of three times to check on nearly naked drunk women. It’s part of Bloombergs quality of life thing. It’s a known fact just like catching a STD from toilet seats. Why is everyone picking on good honest cops who never even fixed a parking ticket? Its a shame I tell you, a real shame. Let’s focus on more important stuff like smoking on a beach or park…smokers are the real criminals who must be brought to justice.

And here’s how the “Court of Public Opinion” responded over at Gothamist to the signs…

Random Transplant: The People’s Court is pushing for banishment, it seems.

JDanford: How can he afford Park Slope? I thought POs didn’t make that much money.

XXDesmus: Turns out he lives on my street. Freaking wonderful. I sure feel safe knowing this douche bag lives near me.

MisterMarkDavis: Yeah. It sure sucks to feel like you have no privacy and you could be violated in your own home.

Yeah.  Thumbs up or down on the public shamings? What do YOU think the dude deserves?

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