My BFF wants to play tourist with me this week. She is heading down to the big city for some kid-free R&R, which sounds extremely exhausting and possibly horrendous.
Thankfully, she had the good sense to leave me OUT of the Broadway show adventure, because I don’t know if I have another in me. The facebook posting about her desire to take in a show elicited a whopping 33 suggestions from theater geeks of old. Strange that I — who grew up knowing the words to every Broadway show tune ever recorded before 1990 — have developed an irrational aversion to live theater.
It goes with my
unreasonable and growing dislike of tourists, which actually got a scientific diagnosis per Jen Doll of the Village Voice. I have sidewalk rage (aka Pedestrian Aggressiveness Syndrome). I know I know it’s not right. I know it’s not fair. But I still have PTSD from my last trip to Soho and Times Square is enough to bring on the hives.
My inner curmudgeon is crying out in protest… Can’t we just sit on a fucking park bench somewhere? Why does anyone even want to be a NYC tourist?
See attached email below for my itinerary options…
Just want to check in with you about Thursday and/or Friday.
Here are some ideas of things I’d like to do. Let me know if you like any of these ideas, or if you have some of your own.
— Metropolitan Museum
— Museum of the City of New York
— Staten Island Ferry & eat at the Bay St Luncheonette/Soda Fountain
— NY Public Library building tour (11am & 2pm, one hour long)
On Thursday I have to go to Times Square to stand in line at TKTS for tix that night. So let me know your thoughts/ideas. Remember I am being a tourist!!!!
I can’t help but think that all of this sightseeing would be the better for some nudity. It’s been a busy week for naked people in NYC, after all.
There’s the new local bad boy Weiner’s new photo essay on TMZ .
I just read in Gawker on Friday that naked hiking is HUGE in Europe.
Lest I leave out… the comeback of maybe mayoral candidate Alec Baldwin’s chewbacca chest.
And why weren’t Weiner and Baldwin invited to be the headliners at this weekend’s postponed 2011 Naked Bike Ride NYC? They wouldn’t have let a little drizzle stop ’em from manning up for the cause and it might have lifted up Weiner’s flagging spirits.
I have proposed that as an alternative itinerary, we spend the day exploring Queens in the buff. We could pay a visit to Weiner’s coop building and possibly throw mini hot dogs at him. I’ve been wanting to buy saris to make into shades for about a decade now. And I’m dying for some real Korean food.
Just two more fat-assed tourists taking in the sites.