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Brooklyn DILF Watch: Where The Hell Are You Hiding?

June 14, 2011 in Brooklyn, DILFs, Parenting, Park Slope, sex and drugs | 5 comments

ewwwww

Are DILFs the four-leaf clovers of greater Park Slope?

I heard that when @effedparkslope and @amysohn went on a hunt recently, with Amy contending there would be dozens, they saw ONE! And that was iffy.

My friend Karen says she knows two but I’m not going to believe it until I see the documentation. And one’s a model/actor so I say that shouldn’t really count.

If I had the energy, I’d go down to Brooklyn Boulders because, really, that’s our best hope. If you know one, show me. Bring on your DILFs. I want some evidence that they exist (aside from my manly man)!

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Park Slope Profile in Courage? Anthony Weiner Is One Of Us

June 7, 2011 in Douchebag Database, Local Politics, Park Slope, sex and drugs | 1 comment

Oh, come on!

I was done with this whole Weiner story. I really was. I was on to squirrels on the Key Food shelves, Met’s desperate need for a makeover, traffic on 8th Avenue.

And then I saw this morning that Weiner (pronounced WEE-ner per National Journal bio above) hails from… yes, Park Slope.

From a Brooklyn Paper story last August…

The 45-year-old lawmaker grew up in Park Slope, on Sixth Street near Prospect Park, the son of lawyer Mort Weiner, and Midwood HS teacher Fran Weiner. When he’s not shouting down colleagues, Weiner loves to tell a story of how he cut his political teeth in Miss Noonan’s third-grade class at PS 39 on Sixth Avenue between Seventh and Eighth streets.

It was class election season and Weiner ran for vice president. Passionate even then, the budding pol gave a stirring speech about how the school cafeteria served fishsticks too often.

“I thought I did an excellent job” on the speech, he told the New York Sun in 2005 — but he ended up losing to his challenger — who upped the young Weiner by handing out lollipops to the whole class.

Why am I even surprised?

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Wow, Weiner’s Willy/Wang/Woody/Weenie Woes Worsen.

June 6, 2011 in Douchebag Database, Local Politics, Park Slope, sex and drugs | 5 comments

 

Exponentially!

I swear to god, I thought this whole Weinergate story was a hoax. For one, what a fucking idiot you would have to be for this story to be true. It’s just hard to fathom this kind of stupidity. And if your name happens to be WEINER, it’s just, just, just beyond my limited comprehension.

Right up until Weiner opened his mouth, I was with him—although admittedly relieved that Park Slope does not fall within his district as originally suspected. And, even then, it took a while for the BS detector to fully kick in and the non-denial denials to wear down my faith.

Because, let’s face it, how many male politicians have to get caught with the zipper down before the rest get the idea that this kind of shit NEVER ends well?

Between Arnold, DSK and Spitzer and the wide stance guy and the one who was supposed to be hiking the Appalachian trail, and Clinton, and Newt and, oh yeah, John Edwards, and the Craig’s List Congressman… WHAT NUMBER ARE WE CURRENTLY AT?

Do we really need some sort of poliperv sex scandal clock hung up in Times Square to keep a tally?

And Weiner was fortunate to land the wife he’s got. He’s lucky he’s EVER gotten laid. By the way, didn’t they just get married?

But then came the news today: via Gawker via Radar Online…

Here’s a new picture of a bare-chested Anthony Weiner, which a young woman says he emailed her on May 20, 2011. If you look closely, you can see Weiner and his wife, Huma Abedin, cuddling in a picture in the background.

In addition to this snapshot of Weiner’s toned torso (does Weiner wax?), he allegedly sent the woman the same grey underwear dick pic that appeared on his Twitter account, and another picture that is “extremely graphic, and leaves nothing to the imagination.”

Big Government, which posted the picture, reports that a search for the Yahoo! email address Weiner used to send it brings up a Yahoo! profile that seems to be chock-full of topless pics. You’d think politicians would have put a moratorium on topless sexts, so soon after Rep. Chris Lee was undone by his Craigslist trolling. Is there something inherent to congressmen that make them take shirtless pictures of themselves, or does the office drive them to it? Something to think about as we enter what appears to be a new, terrifying era of topless lawmakers.

Radar Online, meanwhile, reports that another woman claims to have “200 sexually explicit messages from Weiner’s Facebook profile.” Including this one about his hard-on: “It wont go away. and now im taking pics of it. making me harder still.” We’re going to say that Weiner’s story that he’s the victim of a hack is, at best, lacking some pertinent details. Weiner is reportedly scheduled to address the media at 4pm.

Can’t wait to hear that presser. Just a few more questions:

  • Can we blame this on Viagra?
  • Where are the horny women sinners? What’s Madeline Albright been up to????
  • WTF was Weiner thinking?
  • Why, Weiner? Why?

When will they ever learn? When will they eh-ever learn?

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DB Database: Rape Cop Lives in Park Slope?

June 6, 2011 in Douchebag Database, Park Slope, sex and drugs | 2 comments

Little known fact: “piece of shit” has the same acronym as “police officers,” plural.

And I, for one, was not happy to hear that this particular POS above LIVES IN PARK SLOPE. Is there no END to this neighborhood’s infamy?

Apparently not. Except for one little wrinkle. Park Slope does not actually stretch the entire LENGTH OF SOUTH BROOKLYN, folks. This dude lives in Sunset Park. Or, at the very least, GREENWOOD HEIGHTS, if you’re a newbie or a realtor.

As a point of clarification, Park Slope is roughly bounded by Prospect Park West to the east, Fourth Avenue to the west, Flatbush Avenue to the north, and 15th Street to the south.

Even so, wherever rape cop lives, I can’t think of a more deserving candidate for a public shame campaign. In fact, I think we should bring such campaigns back for other neighborhood offenders, like ones who actually DO live in Park Slope.

This asshole (and maybe THE WIFE too) should have to take out TWITTER AND FACEBOOK accounts and post their regrets every hour for the next five years. He should have to walk around with a billboard. He should have to volunteer at Gay Men’s Health Crisis and Planned Parenthood.

Over at the NY Post, my new favorite commenter joined with Moreno’s wife to inveigh against the unfairness of it all.

Louis Romano: The police academy teaches cuddling. They have cuddling 101, intermediate cuddling and advanced cuddling. They also encourage all cops to return a minimum of three times to check on nearly naked drunk women. It’s part of Bloombergs quality of life thing. It’s a known fact just like catching a STD from toilet seats. Why is everyone picking on good honest cops who never even fixed a parking ticket? Its a shame I tell you, a real shame. Let’s focus on more important stuff like smoking on a beach or park…smokers are the real criminals who must be brought to justice.

And here’s how the “Court of Public Opinion” responded over at Gothamist to the signs…

Random Transplant: The People’s Court is pushing for banishment, it seems.

JDanford: How can he afford Park Slope? I thought POs didn’t make that much money.

XXDesmus: Turns out he lives on my street. Freaking wonderful. I sure feel safe knowing this douche bag lives near me.

MisterMarkDavis: Yeah. It sure sucks to feel like you have no privacy and you could be violated in your own home.

Yeah.  Thumbs up or down on the public shamings? What do YOU think the dude deserves?

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