Good news for all you kid and rich people haters!

Any day now, you’re going to have the sidewalks, burger joints and bars of Brooklyn to yourself again. I know you are breathless in anticipation because, yes, it’s almost time for the annual exodus of affluent breeders and people with cars. We may say we love summer in the city but anybody who can will be jumping off this sinking ship like… Bruce Ratner and his rats.

Before you start hating me too much for my summer plans at my palatial summer estate, I just want you to know that I will never be able to afford to travel further than Sullivan County, NY again. Ever.

But while I’m poolside with Norman (who donned an extra small speedo this weekend in honor of gay pride this weekend) and my kid (who spent an hour on the pool jet, having discovered its joys when placed strategically), YOU lucky Brooklynites will have the joint to yourselves.

Let’s take a moment, shall we, to discuss all the great shit that I’m going to be missing out on in our great city this summer…

• finding a parking spot without circling for an hour
• biking without fear of being doored by some bitchy mom
• uncluttered sidewalks
• an air-conditioned movie house (albeit not the Pavilion)
• fireworks
• summer concerts in the parks
• public and floating pools (come on, it’s not all bad at Red Hook)
• an uncrowded IKEA
• a chip candy crunch at the ice cream truck
• sprinklers and fire hydrants
• meeting new people and citizens of the world
• fieldtrips (Ellis Island, Governor’s Island, Brooklyn Bridge Park)
• urban wildlife
• almost drowning and/or getting eaten by sharks at Rockaway.
• Rockaway Taco Shack

Okay, that’s all I’ve got at the mo’. Weigh in with your top five on what makes summer in the city so great.

And as an added bonus, I’m sending you off with my two new favorite road trip shots, which I came upon while malingering on this post for longer than was strictly required…