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Summer In The City: The Annual Breeder Exodus

June 27, 2011 in Brooklyn, Parks and Recreation, Real Housewives, summer in the city, tourism | Permalink

Good news for all you kid and rich people haters!

Any day now, you’re going to have the sidewalks, burger joints and bars of Brooklyn to yourself again. I know you are breathless in anticipation because, yes, it’s almost time for the annual exodus of affluent breeders and people with cars. We may say we love summer in the city but anybody who can will be jumping off this sinking ship like… Bruce Ratner and his rats.

Before you start hating me too much for my summer plans at my palatial summer estate, I just want you to know that I will never be able to afford to travel further than Sullivan County, NY again. Ever.

But while I’m poolside with Norman (who donned an extra small speedo this weekend in honor of gay pride this weekend) and my kid (who spent an hour on the pool jet, having discovered its joys when placed strategically), YOU lucky Brooklynites will have the joint to yourselves.

Let’s take a moment, shall we, to discuss all the great shit that I’m going to be missing out on in our great city this summer…

Okay, that’s all I’ve got at the mo’. Weigh in with your top five on what makes summer in the city so great.

And as an added bonus, I’m sending you off with my two new favorite road trip shots, which I came upon while malingering on this post for longer than was strictly required…

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Curing New York’s Sidewalk Rage, One Bare-Assed Tourist At A Time

June 12, 2011 in Manhattan, nudity, Parks and Recreation, tourism | 2 comments

My BFF wants to play tourist with me this week. She is heading down to the big city for some kid-free R&R, which sounds extremely exhausting and possibly horrendous.

Thankfully, she had the good sense to leave me OUT of the Broadway show adventure, because I don’t know if I have another in me. The facebook posting about her desire to take in a show elicited a whopping 33 suggestions from theater geeks of old. Strange that I — who grew up knowing the words to every Broadway show tune ever recorded before 1990 — have developed an irrational aversion to live theater.

by Mark Armstrong

It goes with my unreasonable and growing dislike of tourists, which actually got a scientific diagnosis per Jen Doll of the Village Voice. I have sidewalk rage (aka Pedestrian Aggressiveness Syndrome). I know I know it’s not right. I know it’s not fair. But I still have PTSD from my last trip to Soho and Times Square is enough to bring on the hives.

My inner curmudgeon is crying out in protest… Can’t we just sit on a fucking park bench somewhere? Why does anyone even want to be a NYC tourist?

See attached email below for my itinerary options…

Hey Allie,

Just want to check in with you about Thursday and/or Friday.

Here are some ideas of things I’d like to do. Let me know if you like any of these ideas, or if you have some of your own.

– Metropolitan Museum
– Museum of the City of New York
– Staten Island Ferry & eat at the Bay St Luncheonette/Soda Fountain
– NY Public Library building tour (11am & 2pm, one hour long)

On Thursday I have to go to Times Square to stand in line at TKTS for tix that night. So let me know your thoughts/ideas. Remember I am being a tourist!!!!

Love, Allie

I can’t help but think that all of this sightseeing would be the better for some nudity. It’s been a busy week for naked people in NYC, after all.

There’s the new local bad boy Weiner’s new photo essay on TMZ .

via TMZ

I just read in Gawker on Friday that naked hiking is HUGE in Europe.

photo by Matthias Bein

Lest I leave out… the comeback of maybe mayoral candidate Alec Baldwin’s chewbacca chest.

And why weren’t Weiner and Baldwin invited to be the headliners at this weekend’s postponed 2011 Naked Bike Ride NYC? They wouldn’t have let a little drizzle stop ‘em from manning up for the cause and it might have lifted up Weiner’s flagging spirits.

jaeque's flickr

I have proposed that as an alternative itinerary, we spend the day exploring Queens in the buff. We could pay a visit to Weiner’s coop building and possibly throw mini hot dogs at him. I’ve been wanting to buy saris to make into shades for about a decade now. And I’m dying for some real Korean food.

Just two more fat-assed tourists taking in the sites.

 

 

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